Just got out of a year long relationship. And boy, what a relationship.
I’ve realized a lot of things the past year. How selfish and self-concerned people are. I’ve lost the ability to  love and specially, to trust . 
I don’t see the good in people anymore because that part is only the little part they show, there is a part much bigger they hide. A mean & heartless part. People act and say things as long as it benefits them at the end.

It’s not easy to forget because I’ve loved deeply and madly. 
Only I know what I went through and what I am going through.
People think it’s a joke.They think it’s easy to move on.
Telling me to move on. I’ve never been so sure of something. I was so sure that this is what I wanted, for always. And I had it too, until the pieces started to break and fall off. I’ve lost other things to just so I could have this. Things that will always stick with me now. It’s very difficult to deal with it, to lose something dear.

The broken relationship isn’t the only thing that is breaking me.
I have the society to face, every day.
They don’t understand it was genuinely  love. They talk, say things that hurt.
I guess I can not expect others to understand when even he doesn’t understand all of this. That I really loved . I made some mistakes but i did love.
I am trying to manage myself, keeping myself strong.
“I am stronger than this “, I tell myself every day, more than once.
Every time I get that heart wrenching pain in my chest, I refuse to cry.
I just take a deep breath in and breathe out. But it really isn’t easy. 

The thing that bothers me the most, even more than people talking behind my back, is how suddenly men are interested now.
It doesn’t occur to them that I am hurt and I need time, lots of it.
I am not looking for a relationship, not for a long time. I can’t really imagine going through all this with another person again. It’s not easy for me to open up completely to a person and give all of myself.
I did that and now I’m left with nothing.
I just can not go through that again.

The amount of effort one puts in a relationship shows you where you stand and if one cares…. or not. After that it’s up to you to decide where you want to go with it. It is hard but it is not impossible. You might think it’s the end of the world but it’s not.

If it never made you happy, I doubt it ever will. Life is too short to be picking up pieces and mending it just to have it broken over and over again.